Just as I Am, Just as You Are

Here is why feedback is so awesome.

I was on a call the other day where I was getting coached by my current coach, Jon Roberts.

Jon noticed something about the way I was going about things.

He noticed that I was approaching so much of my life from this place that “others need to somehow change, grow, transform, etc.”

I.E. I was approaching things from someplace other than neutral. Someplace other than “You are okay just as you are. If you want to grow, that is fine. But you don’t need to grow. You are great as you are.”

AND - Jon also asked if I see myself this way. As if I’m not okay as I am now. Like I need to get somewhere or grow somehow in order to be worthy of love.

At moments like this when I’m getting coaching - I know I need to pause my coach and allow myself to process for a minute.

As I processed this new realization - I saw this reality in so many places of my life.

With my amazing wife Sarah.

With my family.

With my friends.

With my clients.

With my potential clients.

With this new realization - I could now talk with people without this presumption that they somehow *needed to change for any reason whatsoever…they are fine just as they are.

This opens up so much possibility for me to just be present with people without assumptions.

And I could do this with my relationship with me too.

Developing Courage

To start - a quote by Peter Barton from his book Not Fade Away (read more about Peter here: http://bit.ly/PeterBartonArticle):

“I acted brash and cocky, but secretly I feared that everyone knew more than I did. I asserted myself not out of real strength, but because I was afraid I’d otherwise be overlooked, that I would disappear. There’s no surprise in a truly brave person acting brave; it’s when the erstwhile coward rises to the occasion that we feel pride in our humanity. Similarly, it’s no great accomplishment for a genuinely confident person to seem confident. But I had to work at it every time. I had to suck up fear over and over again. (This, by the way, is a trait I seem to share with many of the most successful people I have met in business…)”

When I read this article - I had to sit and really absorb the last statement. The idea that people who were incredibly successful struggling with confidence was hard for me to believe and understand.

I figured that of course people who struggled financially or who struggled with being successful would struggle with confidence - but people who were millionaires?

As I processed it further - it was like a breath of fresh air rolling over me.

“Oh,” I thought, “it’s okay to struggle.”

It is so reassuring to not feel alone in the journey of learning to be confidence and brave.

And, by admitting that it has been a challenge - it is as if we as people reach out to each other - encouraging one another to keep risking, to keep being brave, and that we will have your back along the way.

The Most Important Question I Ask Myself Looking Back on 2019

If you were to rank your life on a scale from 1-10 - what would you say?

Let’s say that a “10” is your ideal life - impact, income, family life, friend life, time you spend working, time you spend traveling, etc.

A “10” does NOT mean working 100 hours a week and having no life.

Did you play full out, as you’d define it?

Perhaps even think back over each year for the past 4-5 years. What number would you give for each of those numbers?

Is there a pattern?

When I talk with people about this - they consistently put themselves between a 5-7 for each and every year.

Yet, each of these people would profess to want to live at a level 10.

Yet, year after year - they continue to live at a level 7.

What about you? Have you been at a level 7 for the past 5 years?

If so, what is your plan to play at a level 10 in 2020?

Do you want 2020 to be another level 7 year?

If not, let’s talk. I’ve got 6 time slots open between now and the end of 2019 to talk with people about their 2020 vision.

75 minutes with me, no fee, your vision for a level 10 in 2020. (If my slots fill up - I can connect you with another coach in our firm who’d be happy to discuss your vision with you).

Imagine how it would feel to live at a level 10 in 2020.

Sent with a deep advocacy for you (yes, you) and your dreams for this next year.

What is Vision?

Vision is a picture of the future that produces passion in you.

When you look at your future for the next 6-12 months or ever 3-5 years - does it produce passion in you?

Or does it frustrate you?

What would it take for your future vision to produce passion for you at a high level?

Learning to Love Conflict: A Journey

Up until about 10 years ago, I absolutely hated conflict.

Now, for some reason, I actually quite enjoy it.

Here is a bit about my journey.

When I look back at the time I hated conflict, I observe the following:

• My self-confidence was much lower - causing me to feel afraid and somewhat powerless when thinking about conflict and engaging in conflict. I didn’t think I had the power to stand my ground.

• My curiosity was very low. This meant I went into conflict with an agenda of what I was going to say rather than with an honest desire to listen.

• I saw conflict as person A versus person B. (I now see it as person A AND person B versus the conflict in an effort to create a solid outcome).

• I neglected to do my due diligence in answering the question of “What is my goal with regard to this conflict."

• I neglected to get to a place where I was truly “for” the other person. Typically the other person was the enemy and so I had to live into this negative story I had about them.

When I think about enjoying conflict, I observe the following:

• My curiosity is my leading focus. I love finding other perspectives and the process of discovery.

• I have much less fear about the outcome. I love the process of exploring.

• I work very diligently to created my vision or desired outcome for the conflict. I am open and transparent with the other person about this. I ask them to open and transparent as well. That way we have our cards on the table and can work through them, ideally in a loving and curious way.

• I get to a place where I am truly and authentically “for” the other person. I choose to care about them.

• My self-confidence is much higher and thus I am not afraid that I will just simply give my power away. I know how to stand up for myself even if the other person disagrees with something we are discussing. I can stand up for myself while still loving the other person.