Up until about 10 years ago, I absolutely hated conflict.
Now, for some reason, I actually quite enjoy it.
Here is a bit about my journey.
When I look back at the time I hated conflict, I observe the following:
My self-confidence was much lower - causing me to feel afraid and somewhat powerless when thinking about conflict and engaging in conflict. I didn’t think I had the power to stand my ground.
My curiosity was very low. This meant I went into conflict with an agenda of what I was going to say rather than with an honest desire to listen.
I saw conflict as person A versus person B. (I now see it as person A AND person B versus the conflict in an effort to create a solid outcome).
I neglected to do my due diligence in answering the question of “What is my goal with regard to this conflict."
I neglected to get to a place where I was truly “for” the other person. Typically the other person was the enemy and so I had to live into this negative story I had about them.
When I think about enjoying conflict, I observe the following:
My curiosity is my leading focus. I love finding other perspectives and the process of discovery.
I have much less fear about the outcome. I love the process of exploring.
I work very diligently to created my vision or desired outcome for the conflict. I am open and transparent with the other person about this. I ask them to open and transparent as well. That way we have our cards on the table and can work through them, ideally in a loving and curious way.
I get to a place where I am truly and authentically “for” the other person. I choose to care about them.
My self-confidence is much higher and thus I am not afraid that I will just simply give my power away. I know how to stand up for myself even if the other person disagrees with something we are discussing. I can stand up for myself while still loving the other person.