How I Decreased My Anger by 70%


There was a time in my 30’s when I became aware that for most of my life, I was a bit ashamed of myself.

As I looked backwards on my life, I realized that as a kid, I didn’t really know how to stand up for myself. I didn’t have much of a backbone nor much self-confidence. And honestly I’d say I was a bit of a wimp or a pushover. I largely felt powerless.

Of course this wasn’t ALL of me.

Looking back, I was incredibly loving and caring. I had a tender spirit that cared deeply for others.

As you can imagine, being a kid and not knowing how to harness this tenderness of spirit, I got hurt a lot. And most times didn’t know what to do with it.

All of this was a big revelation to me.

And I think this was what ended up creating a lot of the anger I have experienced in my lifetime. As far back as I can remember, I’ve had a bit of a temper and up until my late twenties, I didn’t know what to do with it.

But now that I can see a bit of what was creating the anger. That being that the way I consciously or subconsciously thought about myself in the past, present, and future. (Not the things that happened to me - which is a key distinction for me - because if it is because of the things that happened, then I necessarily give my power to the things that happened. If I take ownership for how I think about myself in the past, present, and future, then I retain my power).

And since in this approach, I own my power - I thus I recognize my ability to change the way I see things.

Meaning, I can be proud of myself in the past, present, and future. Consciously and subconsciously.

And this has caused my anger to decrease by 70% over the past few years.

And I’m really proud of that.

Here is Why Impostor Syndrome is a Good Thing

Since when did impostor syndrome become a bad thing?

Isn’t it true that, if I am stretching myself beyond what I am capable of, that I would experience the feeling of being an impostor?

Impostor syndrome is essentially the feeling of being undeserving or illegitimate.

Therefore, if I am taking risks outside of my comfort zone - it means I am choosing to exists in space that are new for me. So how would I feel 100% authentic as if I had actually been there before?

Experiencing impostor syndrome is a good sign. It indicates you are growing rather than stagnating.

I’d be much more concerned if I were never experiencing it.

You are Dishonest with Yourself: Here is How

I was talking with a client the other day.

At one point I invited him to spend some time being still and then get to a place where he is honest with himself about his life, his leadership, his results, and his fulfillment.

He pushed back on my request stating that he said I was assuming he wasn’t being honest with himself.

I responded. “I clearly am stating that I think you are dishonest with yourself.”

He jokingly shut his laptop.

Up until that point, I think for him, he really thought he was honest with himself. I don’t know that it ever really occurred to him that he was being dishonest with himself in any areas.

It’s not binary.

I know he is not dishonest with himself in all areas or that it is the entirety of his being.

That’s not what I was inquiring about.

I wanted to know the areas he WAS being dishonest with himself.

Being dishonest with yourself can look like:

  • Convincing yourself that you don’t know why you are stuck

  • Blaming others for your problems

  • Pretending that life as it is right now is how it will always be

  • Convincing yourself you can’t have the life you want (ignoring the reality that you simply aren’t willing to put in the work).

  • Complaining about your lack of time management yet doing very little about it. I.E. If you complain that you are too busy but haven’t read any time management books in the past year - you are being dishonest with yourself. Based on results, you don’t actually care.

  • Convincing yourself that there isn’t a romantic partner out there for you…even though you’d really like that in your life.

  • Etc.

The reality is, we are all dishonest with ourselves in certain areas of life.

Are you willing to get honest with yourself about your dishonesty and then work to do something about it?

Or will you keep complaining your life away?

The Gold That We Avoid

Which of your gold is hardest for you to accept?

For so many of us, we have a hard time accepting and speaking about the characteristics within us that we are proud of.

Perhaps we were told that we shouldn’t think too highly of ourselves.
This is an interesting way of looking at things.

As Marianne Williamson said,

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

That being said - if we use the gold within us - our positive characteristics - to change the world - how is this to be considered arrogant or thinking too highly of ourselves?

In that sense - it is not about whether or not we have gold within us - but rather - it is how we use it. Do we use it just for selfish gain - or do we use it in service of others?

So again I ask, which of your gold is hardest for you to accept?

What are those things within you, that if you accepted them fully, would spring forth more joy and fulfillment both in you and the world around you?