Let’s pretend a conflict is happening between 2 people. I am person A and the other person is person B.
I must first and foremost be committed to treating person B with respect, honor, and curiosity. This is my responsibility. I must take ownership for how I am thinking about person B and the conflict.
If I approach the conflict as person A PLUS person B versus the conflict itself - that will be much more resourceful than seeing the conflict as person A versus person B.
I must remember to keep the overall vision in mind. I must do the homework ahead of time to get clear as to how I would like the conflict to go and request that person B do the same. At the beginning of the conversation - it is helpful to share this to see where there is overlap and where there is disagreement.
I must remember to go the "final 10%” as I refer to it. I must be willing to share with transparency, curiosity, respect, and honor - what it is that is actually going for me. And I must ask person B to do the same with me. (From my experience - this is something that dramatically increases the success of the outcome of the conflict).
When sharing my final 10% - I must remember to orient it to the vision of person B. This assumes I have done my work in understanding person B’s vision. If I know person B’s vision - that helps me contextualize the conversation and feedback towards anything that I think might get in the way of person B achieving their vision.